i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Green mimosas i think yes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
