yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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