I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
