so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
