At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
