yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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