you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
