just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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