so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
