OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
