my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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