I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
