after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
