he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
