I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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