Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
