Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
