3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
