Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
