oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's rum buckets o'clock
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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