wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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