whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
