I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
