I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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