All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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