Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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