Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
