Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i would punch a child for taco bell
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I didn't notice because vodka
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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