Whod you bang
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
