i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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