In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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