if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
