Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
