i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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