I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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