ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
