I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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