Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
