he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
