I am in a vortex of obligation.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
