Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
