Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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