Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
