Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
