she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
