Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
