PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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