yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
