I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
