i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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