is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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