I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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