do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
