I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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