Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
