Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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