Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just pee around me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
