You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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