I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
