Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
